I am unable to decide what should I choose for you, what should I gift you
whether the moon or the stars will make you happy

I don't know what should I say, what words should I choose
whether my silence or my words will make you happy

I don't know if I should say the truth or should I say nothing
whether my presence would be just enough

I don't know if I should understand or let you understand
whether the eyes and heart can do the endless talking

I don't know whether I should my true self or should I fake it all out
whether you would know what I am trying to do

I don't know whether I should be there or should I not
whether my absence and presence can make a difference

I don't know whether you will like it this way or the other
or whether you will not like it at all

I don't know what matters to you more-you or me
whether we both are same for you or not

I don't know if you are happy or not
whether I am a reason for that happiness

Solitude, Loneliness, Alone

I am alone not lonely.. or better I am just trying to make peace with solitude..
The very use of so many synonyms to an undefinable feeling explains it all..
By choice or by no other choice, people remain alone or people feel lonely..
perspectives differ and so does the feeling.
Sometimes there is a zest to stay alone and to discover our inner self. We always stay accompanied with that talkative mind of ours which is either conspiring against others or if not anything then trying to differ from our heart. And at the same time the beautiful moment of solitude changes into pangs of loneliness if we are longing for someone to decipher those unspoken thoughts. All is how we see it to be.
Lovers always want to be left alone so that they can spend some beautiful moments of their life discovering and knowing each other better but there comes a point when they individually want to have their own space and spend some quality time with their own thoughts.. irony.. yet true..
We want to be left alone when we are fighting some negative emotion within us but then there is a deep longing in the heart to embrace solitude and reach the zenith of peace.
Whenever I say I like to be left alone or if I am lonely I am better- I get different reactions.
Some people look at me as if they have just seen a ghost, that is the depth of aversion they have towards the word. I even invite myself some sympathy from people who think I am undergoing some kind of mental trauma and I am abnormal. I fail to explain that I maybe with someone and still be lonely and I maybe alone with an ocean of feelings, thoughts surrounding me.
After all it is better to stay alone all by yourself than staying alone in a crowd.